Today has been one of the worst days in my life. I hate being a teacher at times because it really isn't about the kids. It is all politics and who you know. I think that really stinks. However, today I asked for a meeting with my principal so I could rethink if I wanted to put in for a transfer or not. After that meeting I felt less than a person and my only good quality is I am a great teacher. That is great to know, but I don't need adult kudos when all I care about are the kids. Long and short of it all is that I am a wonderful teacher inside my room but outside the four walls is a different story. Ummm........let me think on that one. You are a great teacher, but as a person you are horrible. Let me step on you more. I am not sure how to take that. Also that I am the most negative person about things. Now that one really floors me, because I have done nothing but been positive and tried to make things work.
So after this meeting, I am pretty much crying like there is no tomorrow and the only person I want to talk to are my parents. Who I unfortunately can't get a hold of. Maybe that is a sign. However, I did get to talk to a friend. Explained what was said to me and she was in shock. I invest so much time in my kids that I feel like I have given up a lot of family time. I realize today I am just a body for a job and that I am not to have friends in the work force. I feel as if I get the poop end of the deal every year due to others.
The worst part of all of this is that a friend was told she could not be trusted because of me and her talking to me. However something she told me I did not tell anyone. She doesn't believe. I told her I felt like my meeting was a set up because of what was being focused on and that was not what I went in there to talk to her about. How is that possible, but she doesn't believe me and it is sad.
My eyes hurt from all the crying and feel like not even going to work. I have never been known to hide, but that is always possible. I want to but will go to work and let things be said. It doesn't matter if I stay away from folks, they are always talking.
My world as a mother is one of my only joys besides my marriage. So how to turn a horrible day into a productive week for myself. My son is funny and he keeps me on my toes. I love Donovan with all my heart and couldn't have asked for a better gift from God. Now is the time I need a scripture to help me through this time. I found one scripture for tonight:
Philippians 4:13 NIV
I can do everything through him who gives me strength. I need to remember that God is going to give me the strength to hold my head up.
I pray God gives me the answer that I need before Friday. I am not sure if I can deal with anymore drama.
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